Loreena's Gift Page 3

  “Someone’s here.” Uncle Don pulled on her arm. “We have to go now.”

  The door to Russell’s room creaked open. Loreena turned, startled.

  “Who are you?” It was a woman’s voice, but low and full-bodied, an alto.

  “Reverend Clement.”

  “I’m sorry, Reverend.” Deborah spoke from behind the other woman. “This is Crystal. She just came in.”

  Crystal. The daughter. Now?

  The girl entered the room, heels hard on the floor, and hurried to the bedside. “Dad? Dad? Mom, something’s wrong!”

  Uncle Don stepped back, moving Loreena behind him as Deborah entered.

  “What happened?” Crystal asked.

  The mattress creaked under Deborah’s weight. For a moment the room was silent, as if everyone was waiting for the final announcement. Then Deborah moved the sheets and blankets around Russell’s body, tucking him in as if he had just drifted off to sleep. “It happened?” She turned her question to Uncle Don. “Just now?”

  “He just closed his eyes,” Uncle Don said.

  “What happened?” Crystal said.

  “The cancer,” Deborah said. “It got worse.”

  “But shouldn’t we get an ambulance?”

  “He wouldn’t want that.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Deborah was crying openly now. “He’s dead, honey. He’s gone.”

  “But we can’t just sit here! Maybe there’s something they can do?”

  Loreena stayed behind her uncle. Your father is happy, she wanted to say.

  “Is this why you’re here?” Crystal pointed her voice at Uncle Don. “Because he’s dead?”

  “I was here,” Uncle Don said, “when it happened. He just… went to sleep.”

  “Why didn’t you do something?” Crystal said.

  “Please, honey,” Deborah said. “Your father wanted him to come. It’s not his fault.”

  “Why didn’t he call the ambulance? And who is she?”

  Loreena felt the woman’s gaze like the heat of a flame. Uncle Don took her hand and pulled her out of the room.

  They had just cleared the hallway when he stopped. Someone else was standing in front of them.

  “Don?”

  That voice. Loreena swayed. Saul? She pressed her hands to Uncle Don’s back and then stepped out from behind him.

  “Loreena?” Saul said.

  Her eyes widened. She wanted to rush to him, embrace him, but her mind was full of questions.

  It had been three years.

  “What are you doing here?” Saul took a step closer, and then paused. “Oh, shit. What did you do?”

  2

  Perspiration prickled the back of Loreena’s neck. Why was she nervous? Saul knew nothing of what had just happened—couldn’t know—so why had he taken such a tone?

  “What are you doing here?” she stammered. “Where have you been?”

  “Just now? I was at Crystal’s apartment.”

  Loreena frowned. Crystal’s apartment? Was she his girlfriend?

  “You’ve been gone for over three years,” Uncle Don said.

  “Hi, Don,” Saul said. “Nice to see you, too.”

  The room filled with a tense silence. How did her brother look, Loreena wondered—was his blond hair long, like it had been before he left? Was he still sporting that silly goatee?

  “You’ve lost weight,” Don said.

  “He has?” Loreena reached out, desperate to touch him.

  “You’ve gained,” Saul replied.

  Loreena turned back toward her uncle, though her vision was nothing but shadows again.

  “Don’t tell me you didn’t notice?” Saul chuckled, a gravelly sound, and then coughed, hacking from deep in his chest.

  “You’re smoking,” Uncle Don said. “Trying to end up like that man in there?”

  Saul cleared his throat. “We’re all going to end up like him eventually. And you’re graying.”

  Loreena squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. “Stop it.”

  “It’s true,” Saul said. “Just around the ears. It’s okay, though. Crystal tells me the women like it. Got any new foxy worshippers, Reverend?”

  Uncle Don crossed his arms over his chest and exhaled noisily. “Were you going to come by the house, or just sneak through town without saying anything?”

  “How could I miss such a great welcoming party?”

  “Stop it!” Loreena put her hands up, begging for peace. “Just stop it.”

  Both men paused. Then Uncle Don moved aside while Saul stepped farther into the living room, the floorboards creaking under his feet.

  “Are you back to stay?” Loreena asked, the only answer she really needed.

  “Just passing through, as Don says. Don’t want to inconvenience anyone.”

  “So we never would have seen you?”

  He didn’t answer.

  Loreena took a step toward him but stopped when she heard him slide his hand into his pocket and emerge with something that crackled.

  “No, no,” Uncle Don said, “you’re not doing that in here.”

  “Not your house,” Saul said.

  “The man has…had lung cancer.”

  “Had?”

  “Have some respect, son.”

  Saul flicked the lighter. Loreena smelled the subtle hint of gas fumes. A soft crackle, and then Saul blew smoke with a self-satisfied sigh.

  She wrinkled her nose. “When did you start that?”

  “Should try it, Lor. Makes you feel strong.”

  Uncle Don opened the front door and fanned it back and forth. “The Lord’s the only one who can do that.”

  “Oh, please.” Saul chuckled again. “You’re going to start in with that already? It hasn’t even been five minutes.”

  The air was stiff with their words. Loreena stood in between them, wondering how it could still be this bad when so much time had passed. It was as if Saul had never left—like the last three years had never happened and they were all still living in the house together, Saul coming home in the midmorning drunk and Uncle Don spending the whole of the next day lecturing him on what he was or wasn’t doing with his life, and how he was walking further and further from God.

  “We need to go,” Uncle Don said.

  Loreena knew he meant for her to follow him out, but she had to talk to Saul. Eyes watering from the cigarette smoke, she shifted her weight from one foot to the other. Her tongue pressed against her front teeth as she fought for something to say, some way to bridge the gap between them.

  “Loreena,” Uncle Don said.

  “Yes, Loreena,” Saul said. “The almighty has spoken.”

  For a breath she was suspended between the two of them, stalling, at a loss. Then the house began to rumble, Crystal’s stout heels punishing the floor with her weight. They all turned their heads.

  “Babe, you can’t do that in here.” Her nose sounded stuffed up, muddying her speech.

  Loreena felt a moment’s pity for her.

  “You can smell it in there?” Saul asked.

  “You gotta go out. Please.” Was she shooing him? “Just go.”

  “Fine.” Saul breezed past Loreena and walked out, the screen door slamming shut behind him.

  “My mom wants to see you,” Crystal said.

  Loreena turned toward her, and then realized the girl was talking to Uncle Don. This was the break she needed; now she would have more time with Saul. Bowing her head, she waited for her uncle to do what she knew he would.

  “Hang tight,” he said to her, then followed Crystal back down the hall.

  When they were all gone, Loreena let the air out of her lungs. She’d been holding her breath, and now she felt the effects throbbing in her head. Massaging her right temple, she walked until she found the couch and leaned against it, both hands gripping the cushioned back while the gray shadows spun in front of her. Then, with a last deep breath, she made her way to the door.

  She’d left her
cane resting against her nightstand in her room; she hadn’t thought to bring it, since Uncle Don was going with her. Now she wished she had. One hand straight out and the other extended at waist level, she moved until she felt the cool surface of the glass, then pushed the handle and walked through.

  Outside the shadows had deepened. It was later afternoon, and there must be new clouds in the sky. A cat appeared by Loreena’s feet and mewed, rubbing against her legs, and she knelt to pet it, cooing hellos. From its size, it couldn’t be very old, maybe a year. Deborah was probably feeding it.

  “It’s gray,” Saul said from beyond and to her right. “A tiger. Looks scraggly, though. Who knows what you’re touching.”

  Loreena brought her hands back into her lap. It was the first time he’d said anything like he used to, back when he was her vision, when she could go anywhere, do anything like a normal person because he made it possible.

  “She’s friendly,” Loreena said.

  “She wants you to feed her, if it’s a her.”

  “Can you tell?”

  “I’m not looking.”

  Loreena smiled and stood up. The sidewalk veered off to the left, but Saul’s voice came from the other direction. She made her way toward him, feeling with her toes, and within two steps detected thick grass under her feet, grass that hadn’t been mowed in a while.

  “What’s going on in there?”

  “Deborah asked Uncle Don to come back again.”

  “What for?”

  “Probably for comfort, you know. It just happened, right before you guys came in.”

  “So he’s dead?”

  She nodded.

  “You were there?”

  A car whizzed by, saving her from having to answer. She crossed her arms over her chest.

  “I’ve missed you,” she said. There was so much to tell him, but at that moment she wanted most to talk about the rose. He was the only one in the whole world who would understand the meaning of it, and here he was, like magic, on the same day, in the same place. She thought then that surely their mother had something to do with it.

  “You still at the church?” he asked. “I was hoping you’d get away from there.”

  “Where would I go?”

  “Somewhere on your own. Don’t you want to? I mean, what are you doing with him, here?”

  Goosebumps pimpled her arms. It was the same argument they’d had the night he’d left, three years ago, walking home after seeing a movie on her eighteenth birthday, still sucking in the dregs of melting ice in their cups as they strode down the sidewalk.

  “Why didn’t you call?” she asked. “We’ve been really worried about you.”

  He sighed and reached into his pocket, fiddling with the carton of cigarettes. “I didn’t plan on doing this today. We were just going to see Crystal’s dad.”

  “This? You mean, seeing us?”

  Saul turned the pack over, the plastic crinkling like a candy wrapper. The cat mewed at the door, begging to be let in. Above them, a bird flapped its wings and took off into the sky.

  He wasn’t going to tell her about the past three years, at least not now. Loreena changed the subject. “So, you and Crystal. Are you together?”

  “Kind of.”

  “She’s not your girlfriend?”

  Saul took a long draw and then exhaled. “Yeah, I guess.”

  Tired of standing, Loreena bent her knees and brushed the grass. It was cool, but dry. Tucking her skirt under her hips, she sat down cross-legged. “But you came to meet her parents.” What were the odds? “You don’t think it’s weird?”

  “What’s weird?”

  “That we both happened to be here. Today.”

  “One of God’s jokes, Don would say.”

  Jokes? Loreena lowered her head. The air was cooler here. They rested in the shade of a large tree, she was certain, the sun blocked by the branches and leaves. Uncle Don hadn’t come out of the house. Was he watching them from the living room window, or was he still in Russell’s room praying?

  “Where did you meet her?” she asked.

  “Crystal? At a bar.”

  “Was that before you left?”

  He took another drag, avoiding the question.

  She had to stop with the interrogation. A car approached from the right, the sound of the tires on the road making a gradual crescendo as it got closer. The scent of barbeque drifted over from the next house down. The last time she had tasted barbeque was at the church one Easter weekend. Saul had been there, and Uncle Don, with Mrs. Enger scurrying about, making sure everyone got a chance to taste one of her delicious fudge brownies.

  “Were you going to come to the house?” she asked, and then paused. “Will you come?”

  “For what?”

  “To see us.”

  “Rather not.”

  She frowned. “You don’t want to see us at all?”

  “Don’t want to go to the house. If he starts launching into all that preachy stuff again, I’m going to hit him.”

  Loreena turned her face into the breeze. She didn’t know this man standing in front of her. It was as if he had taken over her brother’s body. How could she tell him about the rose? She might as well be out here alone with just the tree and the cat for company.

  Another minute she waited, and then another, and when he said nothing more, she pushed herself up, brushed off her skirt, and started back toward the house.

  “Wait, Lor.”

  She paused.

  He took a step after her. “You could come out with us sometime. Crystal and me.”

  “Out where?”

  “For a few drinks. Some dancing.”

  “You mean a bar?” She turned toward him.

  “You too high and mighty for that?”

  A sharp retort hung on the end of her tongue, but she closed her mouth before it escaped. He had offered an olive branch. If she rejected it now, she might not have another chance. “Okay, fine.”

  “Fine? You’ll come?”

  “If that’s the only way I get to see you, fine. When?”

  Another car whizzed by, a few fallen leaves stirred up in its wake. “Friday, of course. That’s when most people go out.”

  Five days. Uncle Don would never agree. “Can you come get me?”

  “ Sure.”

  “What time?”

  “Let’s say eight o’clock.”

  He had been walking toward her while they spoke, and now stood only a few feet away. The smell of cigarette smoke burned Loreena’s nostrils, but nonetheless she moved toward him with her hands out until she could wrap her arms around him, bury her nose in his cotton shirt. It smelled like laundry detergent. His body stiffened and then surrendered, muscles softening.

  The screen door opened behind them and they both let go and whirled around, as if they’d been caught doing something wrong.

  “Will somebody tell me who the hell she is?” Crystal said from the landing.

  “This is Loreena,” Saul said, “my sister.”

  Loreena and her uncle left shortly after, glad to escape Crystal’s strident questioning. Sitting in the truck again, the vinyl slick under her skirt, Loreena felt hot. She rolled down the window and closed her eyes, letting the cool air dry the perspiration from her skin. Within a mile of the Pearsons’ place, she started to cry.

  “Aw, come on, kid,” Don said. “It’s all right. He’s okay, isn’t he?”

  She shook her head, wiping the tears off her cheeks. “Three years, and that’s all he had to say. He acted like he didn’t even care if he saw us. And that girl.”

  “Hmm.”

  “Why is he with her? She’s a crow.” Loreena rested her head on her arm and curled sideways into the seat.

  “We can be grateful. God helped him find his way home.”

  “He’s not home! If we hadn’t been there today, we might never have even known he was around.”

  “It can’t be coincidence he showed up the same time we did. God’s hand is in this.
”

  Loreena wanted to tell him that if anyone had a hand in it, it was her mother, but she didn’t. Wiping her cheeks dry, she pushed closer to the door, rested against it, and closed her eyes, massaging one side of her head. The pain now throbbed against her skull like a million tiny blackbirds striking their beaks inside her temples, demanding to be let out. “How long do you think he’s been back?”

  “Hard to tell, but I don’t think very long.”

  Loreena kept massaging, reviewing the encounter in her mind. “You could ease up on the preaching when he’s around. It only pushes him away.”

  Uncle Don shifted in his seat and cracked his own window. The air whistled across the cab. “He goes away because he’s compelled to. He’s searching for something, and neither you nor I can help him find it.”

  “For what?”

  “For his way. Like all of us do.”

  And only God has the answers. Loreena stifled the anger that rose in her breast. It was his way of dismissing it, as if it wasn’t his concern. She let her hand fall back into her lap. She wanted to get home, climb up to her bed, and shut out the world until this headache went away. Why did she have to close her eyes when she smelled the rose? If she hadn’t done that, she might still be there in Russell’s paradise, but now it was over, and she wouldn’t get another chance to see such a beautiful place or…dare she think it?…look for her mother, until Uncle Don came across another terminally ill patient.

  With a pang of guilt, she couldn’t help but hope that would be soon.

  Don turned a corner. “What was it like, this time?”

  The truck bounced over the uneven road. Several more cars passed on the other side. They had to be getting closer to town. Loreena sat back in the seat and crossed her arms over her belly. “You’ll say it’s all brain fog, like you always do.”

  “Still like to hear it.”

  “It was his afterlife. I saw it. How can you believe it’s not real?”

  “I never said it wasn’t real. It’s just the way the brain works, like a light bulb. The visions you see with these people are like the afterglow before the mind shuts down for good. It’s not Heaven, Loreena. It has nothing to do with the Lord.”